Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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