The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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