I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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