textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
