dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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