Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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