he was CRYING into my vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
