this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
