Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
