Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
