yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Two words: blizzard sex
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
