Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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