i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
