so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
