i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
