Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
