mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize