i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
