Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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