If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
