So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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