will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Randomize
