I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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