I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
