if i died would you start the facebook group?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
