i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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