Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
