I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize