i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
