I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
