You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
