I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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