Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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