Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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