you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
