did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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