Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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