Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
