doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
