no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
