Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
