You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
