I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Randomize