I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
