Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
