Can i not drive my cunt home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need to calm my uterus...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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