i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
