He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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