i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need a beard to bite.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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