i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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