he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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