Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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