I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
