Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
