never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have fence marks all over my body
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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