god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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