I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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