i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
