Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
