This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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