$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
