If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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