If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
