We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
