she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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