Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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