he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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