His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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