There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
